


Everything Comes Back To You

by DetectiveDawson (msrogersstark)



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Hank is kinda an asshole, M/M, but that's normal, cliff-hanger, follows the arc of season 5, getting together ish??, happyish, season 5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-17 10:57:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12364224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msrogersstark/pseuds/DetectiveDawson
Summary: Over and over the only truthEverything comes back to you--Now, there’s something in the back of his mind telling him that maybe he liked crossing lines with Hank more than he’d ever realized.





	1. There's Something About You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello I haven't written anything for a very long time so..here goes  
> \--  
> Yep it's a multi-chapter fic but it's because we don't have a concrete ending in the series yet so I will update once there's an actual ending to 05x03's issues  
> \--  
> Summary and title: This Town by Niall Horan  
> \--  
> All mistakes are mine

Working at the State Department is… exhausting; Antonio decides three days in after he’s knee deep in paperwork. He doesn’t mind exhausting, he’s got two kids, he’s been a cop his whole life and he runs a boxing studio. It’s never been easy. It’s a different type of exhausting here, working with Stone, pretending his doesn’t miss being back on the streets, pretending he doesn’t miss working with his old friends at 21, Al, Jay, Erin, Adam, Kim, _Hank._ The thoughts of Hank are almost more exhausting to Antonio than the mountains of paperwork he stares at everyday. The bottle of scotch that Hank brought him the last time they truly saw each other, minus a couple of crossover cases, still sits unopened on his mantle, haunting him with words unsaid and fleeting touches that Antonio can still feel across his skin. Hank has called him a few times unsolicited, asking about everyday things and it’s such a domestic thing, something Antonio is not used to getting from the man, that it overwhelms him to the point where he can’t bring himself to return the calls. Antonio has bounced around between units his whole life, vice, intelligence, now this and he’s never felt so disconnected, so withdrawn from his surroundings. He still drives past 21 everyday, and he itches to go inside, talk to Trudy, Kim, anyone. Something always stops him. He _left_ them for this. He gave up everything good in his life to try and ‘change the world’. He’s never felt more helpless in the place he’s trying to save. Back in Intelligence, they caught concrete killers every time. Now, cases take months to solve, lines can’t be crossed, people can’t be paid off or coerced. Every time they bring in a suspect and release him Antonio can’t help but remember the number of times he’s crossed those lines, the number of times they’d have nothing and then Hank would turn it into something. Breaking rules- well Antonio never thought he’d enjoyed that before. Now, there’s something in the back of his mind telling him that maybe he liked crossing lines with Hank more than he’d ever realized.

 

Jay calls him when he’s fallen into deeper trouble than anyone could have suspected. An innocent girl is dead, and sure it’s not Jay’s fault, there’s no way in hell it could be, but it’s awful. Lindsay is in New York, Jay’s badge is in lock-up and he’s at his wits end. They go to Molly’s, Gabby and Otis serving up drink after drink to them and Antonio knows he has to work tomorrow, knows he’s past his limit, knows he should be stopping but he doesn’t. The voice in the back of his head telling him he’s got to deal with Hank is gone, all that is there is the blissed out feeling of tequila coursing through his system and his best friend seated next to him.

He wakes up the next morning and spends the first hour of his Friday with his head in the toilet in Gabby’s apartment. He shows up to work late in the same clothes he had on last night. Stone gives him a thumbs-up as he walks in, and Antonio vaguely realizes that he thinks Antonio got laid last night. He almost wants to laugh at how far from the truth it was. He checks his phone as he waits for the afternoon meeting to start and sees that his last conversation is still open on his phone. It’s open to Voight’s contact. There’s a bit of gibberish in one text but Voight would probably just ignore that. It’s the second text that makes him straighten up and drop his phone onto the metal table in front of him.

_I miss you_

Well, shit. Antonio is so fucked.

He’s more fucked when Stone tells him that for the annual street festival the CPD has asked for some more uniforms to be on scene and Stone has kindly suggested that Antonio should go and help out. _It’s going to be a gong show_ , Antonio thinks.

 

It’s a gong show, that’s for sure. He doesn’t have to see Hank before the festival starts, and he silently thanks the organizers for that fact. Hank still hadn’t responded to the text from the night before and Antonio hadn’t had the guts to follow up. It would have been easy to say that he was drunk; it would have been easy to play it off as a text to the wrong number. But it wasn’t easy to play off that fact that it was the most honest thing he’d felt since he left Intelligence. So he puts in the back of his mind and does his job. Then the bomb goes off and everything changes.

He’s working the case now, back in 21, back with his old team, back with Hank and doing everything in his power to avoid just how weird this is. It’s an awful case, and Kim gets dragged in too deep, too close to the suspect. It’s not fun, it’s exhausting and gruesome and the suspect ends up dead yet Antonio hasn’t felt so alive in months. It’s all bought crashing down when Hank stops him on the way out the door and asks him out for drinks at Molly’s. Hank says the guys will be there, and Antonio has no way of getting out of it so, despite his better judgment- he goes.

He goes home to take a shower first, and spends half an hour staring at his closet, trying to decide what to wear before smacking himself upside the head and grabbing his leather jacket off the chair- it’s not like Hank has never seen him before.

Some of the guys are at Molly’s but Hank isn’t here yet. Kim orders him a beer and he leans against the bar to talk to her, ditches his jacket on the back of her chair. She’s still not herself, Antonio can see that, but she’s doing her best to fit in with the group. He’s got his back to the door, leaning in closer to the group to hear over the Hawks game on TV and the music behind the bar and he completely misses it when Hank comes in. He doesn’t even realize the older man is there until the Hawks score and he turns around to check the replay and notices Hank watching him.

Antonio moves away from the group and towards the table near the back of Molly’s that Hank is seated at. He’s prepared for it to be awkward; he’s prepared for a typical Voigt silence or subject change. He’s not prepared for when Hank stands up and meets him half way, leaning in for a hug. Hank is smiling- it’s the first time since he left that he’s seen that smile and he finds himself relaxing into Hank’s arms, returning the hug and resting his head gently on the man’s shoulders. They fit together perfectly and Antonio knows that he sounds like his 14-year-old daughter when the thought comes to him but it’s true. They’ve always just fit, worked together. Sure, they’ve fought lots over the years but there’s never been someone who could fit into the Hank shaped hole in his life like his Sergeant always could. And all of a sudden, he’s filled with the despair of things he can’t have. After tonight, he’ll go back to work for Stone and Hank will go back to running Intelligence and Antonio will have to continue to pretend that he never sent that text, never thought they could work together again. It’s enough to make him pull away from Hank.

“So, you missed me huh?” Hank teases as Antonio takes the seat across from him.

Antonio ducks his head sheepishly.

“Well don’t worry,” Hank says quietly. “I missed you too.”

Well, Antonio certainly wasn’t expecting that. Hank is giving him an unreadable expression and even though Antonio can normally read it, he can’t decide if Hank is trying to be platonic or not.

“It certainly was nice being back here and working with you… guys,” Antonio goes for platonic at the last moment and then curses himself.

“I’ve got a desk open for you, you know.” Hank meets his eyes and sighs. “If you ever wanted to come back full time.”

“I’d have to rearrange some things…” Antonio trails off, trying to fight off the piece of his brain that is telling him to say no, telling him he can’t come back. Hank looks at him in earnest and Antonio was always a sucker for him anyway. “But I think I’d like that.”

“I can drink to that,” Hank grins and holds his hand out to Antonio. Antonio shakes it and definitely does not imagine the way Hank lets their fingers brush as he gets up to get them drinks.

 

Two drinks later and Hank is regaling Antonio with stories from the office and he’s in such a good mood, laughing and talking animatedly and he’s so eye-catchingly handsome. Antonio is fucked. The laughter is rubbing off on him too and he finds himself leaning in closer and closer as the conversation goes on, letting his feet brush against Hank’s. Hank doesn’t try and move away and so Antonio keeps going, letting himself get away with fleeting touches and advances like he’s never done before.

 

Last call comes and somewhere along the way, Hank must have stopped matching Antonio drink for drink because he’s sober enough to call them both a cab. It stops at Antonio’s and Hank tells the driver to wait before walking Antonio to his door.

“Such a gentleman.” Antonio teases before letting Hank push him further into the dark alcove of his front porch and press their lips together.

It heats up pretty fast and Antonio would be happy to move this inside, but Hank seems overly content to keep it outside. Hank tastes like liquor and the lingering of expensive scotch and the leg he’s got between Antonio’s own feels intoxicatingly wonderful. Eventually Hank pulls away and Antonio lets his head fall back against the front door.

“I’ll call you,” Hank whispers as he leans in again, pressing his lips to Antonio’s cheek before turning and heading back towards the cab.

Antonio stays against the door for a moment before opening his front door, still feeling Hank’s lips on his own. It’s heaven.

 

Until it’s not.

 

 


	2. Stop pretending, 'cause we're going down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No you don't have to love me  
> If you don't wanna  
> Don't act like I mean nothing  
> But if you're gonna  
> \--
> 
> It’s fine. Things are fine. Eva goes to school and does her homework and Antonio goes back to work and watches Hank pretend that last week never happened. It’s fine. Antonio comes home to cold pizza or takeout in the warming oven and Eva already asleep and it’s the same way every night. It’s fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is all angst... but when is it not in this fandom or my writing tbh  
> \--  
> thanks for all the feedback, I really appreciate it and I plan to have a fluffier fic out for this pairing next because I'm pretty sure the writers are planning on creating a lot of drama for these two coming up.  
> \--  
> Summary and Chapter Title- Unkiss Me by Maroon 5 from this [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/mayasharp10/playlist/63yibM3li9oAGTtHVn2zFg)
> 
>  
> 
> \--  
> Mistakes are mine

He gets a phone call from Laura the next morning and Antonio only pays attention to half of it. It’s something about how Eva doesn’t get along with Laura’s new _boyfriend_ and that she wants to come and stay with Antonio. She tells him that Eva is a good kid; she tells him that he’d understand if he spent more time with her, with Diego. She tells him that he needs to be a bigger part of their lives, that it would be good for him to spend time with Eva. He hangs up on her as the next round of guilt tripping starts, something about missing Diego’s last basketball game. Still, he texts Eva and arranges for her to come down and stay with him.

 

It’s fine. Things are fine. Eva goes to school and does her homework and Antonio goes back to work and watches Hank pretend that last week never happened. It’s fine. Antonio comes home to cold pizza or takeout in the warming oven and Eva already asleep and it’s the same way every night. It’s fine.

 

Maybe he was never cut out to be a dad or a husband. Maybe he should have just ignored how he felt about Hank, ignored how awful he felt when he was with Laura. Maybe if he’d just let things be _fine_ and not expected anything to be anymore than that, maybe then he wouldn’t be getting buried under the waves of shame that wash over him every time he comes home to a dark house and lukewarm Chinese food.

 

Maybe that’s the reason that he takes on this case. Eva is with him when he gets the call and she’s supposed to be in the car, he’s supposed to be taking her to the movies like a good father would do. Except she doesn’t stay in the car and they don’t get to the movie and the next thing he knows he’s telling Homicide that they’ll take care of it. Eva thinks that she doesn’t have any hardships as a Latina woman, and maybe Antonio just wants to prove to her that if one or two things had gone differently, they could have ended up just like those women. Eva’s never been to Puerto Rico and it’s easy for her to forget how hard Antonio’s parents worked to get him here, but Antonio doesn’t forget it, can’t forget it and he just can’t let this poor women die without justice.

 

He doesn’t think that Hank will fight him on it, but he didn’t think that Hank would go on pretending that he doesn’t remember making out with Antonio against his front door so when Hank storms in the next morning as Antonio is doing the debrief, it seems just fitting that Hank scowls at the information on the board, barks out a simple order and then heads into his office. It’s not a no, so Antonio plans to roll with it.

“Burgess,” Hank says as he’s going into his office, “You’re paired up with Antonio for this one.”

The door shuts and everyone looks around.

“Gotta love this game of musical chairs.” Al grumbles and Kim gives Antonio a worried look.

He tries to keep a straight face but he knows this is just one of Hank’s distancing tactics. Whatever Antonio thought they had, it’s gone.

 

They hit wall after wall on the case. Kim tries, she really does, Antonio is thankful, but they can’t get anywhere and Antonio finds himself dishing out promises he can’t keep and digging them further and further into a hole. He ends up getting hundreds of Lantina workers deported, a kid put into the foster system and the full wrath of Hank Voigt turned against him.

 

He feels like he’s floating in limbo, torn between two parts of his life. He aches to be back in the Justice department, investigating criminals, getting wins, playing on the fair side. But he asked to be back at 21, he asked to be back breaking the rules, doing the dirty work, fighting for the under dog, working with Hank. Now he feels torn between the two, with no true place for him at all.

 

In a gruesome turn of events, they catch the guy, but it’s not right. There’s no justice, there’s no arrest, there’s no winning. When he races into Lopez’s house and finds his dead body, mutilated the same as Gloria’s, he knows there is no way that Hank isn’t behind this and it feels like another stab in the back. Hank didn’t trust him enough to deal with this, to find real evidence, to win the case.

 

He tries to confront Hank, he really does, but when he gets to the district, he’s greeted with Hank’s trademark questioning look and despite how he feels about the man, it never fails to make him angry. He could cut the tension between them with a butter knife and he knows he needs to say something before he explodes but he just can’t let himself fall into Hank’s trap again.

 

“You wanted this to happen, Antonio.” Hank breaks the silence, looking up at him with slight amusement in his eyes. “You’re just afraid to admit it.”

 

Antonio wants to say something, wants to scream all of his feelings at Hank. But he’s too overwhelmed with thoughts to get any words out, the pressure of that day’s case holding him captive against his wishes. He’d pictured all of this going differently. He’d pictured catching the person who did this to Gloria, he pictured his daughter grinning when he walked in, proud of her father who worked hard to save Latinx immigrants. He pictured Hank giving him a proud smile, a pat on the back.

Instead, all that he got was a head full of guilty thoughts, a dark house and a slice of cold pizza.

 


	3. Don't Forget That You Loved Me Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm a traitor, I'm the cause  
> I'm the breaker of your heart  
> I ain't saying what you want  
> \--  
> Hank talks to him this time, asks him about the parent teacher interview he’d lied about having last night. He lies in response and immediately regrets it when Hank puts a hand on his shoulder and gives him a small smiles and it’s almost normal again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't be fooled by the summary this is all angst still  
> \--  
> This weeks episode had me absolutely LIVING. The Hanktonio moments were awesome ahh but they still aren't back to being nice with each other  
> \--  
> Summary and Chapter Title: Once by Maren Morris   
> \--  
> Thank you for all the amazing feedback! Come rant with me on [Tumblr](http://segsysegs.tumblr.com/) my inbox is always open!

There are questions about the Lopez homicide. Antonio knew this would be coming and he made the choice right off the bat that he was going to tell the truth, tell them what he knew and make sure Hank got what was coming to him. He gets the call from the states attorney and he knows what they want. They want him to give them Hank, to finally have some proof that he’s a crooked cop, to put him away for what Antonio tried to get him taken down for years ago. He thinks he wants that too. He plans to tell them everything.

Except… except every time he closes his eyes he sees Hank’s icy blue gaze looking back at him. He dreams of him every night, wakes up with heat flashing across his skin at the memory of what could have happened that night that Hank dropped Antonio off at his house, promised he’d call and then proceeded to act as if it had never happened. Hank’s touch is like a brand on his skin, a reminder of what he feels for the man and it’s torture. He can’t give him up like that.

 

The meeting with Woods and Potter doesn’t go as planned. The minute he gets there, the floor is swaying under his feet and he feels disoriented and it doesn’t go away. It doesn’t go away as he tells them what he knows. It doesn’t go away as he tells them he doesn’t _know_ that Hank had Lopez killed. It doesn’t go away until he falls into bed with a few empty beer bottles left on the counter. He doesn’t dream.

 

He goes to work the next day. He goes and pretends nothing has changed just as he has for the last couple of weeks. Hank talks to him this time, asks him about the parent teacher interview he’d lied about having last night. He lies in response and immediately regrets it when Hank puts a hand on his shoulder and gives him a small smiles and it’s almost _normal_ again. It’s almost like before he left, before he let Hank press him into the alcove that night and kiss him senseless. And then there’s work to be done and everything flows back into abnormal. He rides with Kim and Al rides with Hank and Kim really is a great partner, but she’s also a stark reminder of the distance Hank has placed between them.

 

They investigate a child trafficking ring, one that plays off of parents giving up their kids and practically giving them to child traffickers. It’s gruesome and while it’s usually Antonio who loses his shit in these cases, Hank seems to be taking this one especially hard. They catch the guy, thank god they do, at an auction and Antonio watches Hank stalk towards one of the buyers who’s holding a girl captive and not even flinch as he puts a bullet through the man’s head. It makes Antonio’s heart race and he’s slightly distracted watching Kim help the poor little girl over to one of their cars that he misses Hank going after Clyde. Hank follows Atwater into the brush as he tackles Clyde to the ground. The offender gets a hand on Atwater, forcing him away but Hank is on him in seconds, delivering a few quick kicks to Clyde’s diaphragm. Antonio moves closer, jogging slowly towards them with his gun stowed at his side. He’s heard stories of what Hank can do when he’s angry and he’s been witness to a few too many interrogation room incidents where tempers flare. He’d love to see this guy dead too, but people are watching their every move and Antonio didn’t risk his career to stick up for Hank in the Lopez case to see him taken down for this. Hank’s saying something to Clyde and Antonio can’t hear him, just keeps jogging closer, keeping his distance until he has to say something. Hank keeps kicking, keeps yelling and it’s when Hank plants his foot on Clyde’s back and holds the gun to the back of his head that Antonio has to step in.

“Hey,” Antonio calls, picking up his pace as Hank keeps yelling. “Enough!”

“Turn over,” Hank says to Clyde, “I want you to see it coming.”

“Hank, enough!” Antonio steps closer. He wants to touch Hank, to make him realize what he’s doing but he’s on the side that Hank uses to hold his gun; he has to be careful.

Atwater tries too, “If you kill him, we can’t get the kids!”

But Hank still won’t move, there’s murder in his eyes and Antonio thanks the gods above that Atwater is thinking clearly enough to cover Hank’s gun hand and move the offender away.

Antonio expects a reaction, but what he doesn’t expect is for Hank to turn on him. He doesn’t expect the murderous gaze to be turned on him. Hank looks like he’s going to say something but Antonio is so fucking sick of all of the anger being turned on him, puts his arms up in surrender and backs away, going back to the scene of the crime. He doesn’t notice if Hank follows him back or not.

 

Back at the district, Antonio gets a front row seat to Hank’s interrogation. He watches from behind the two-way glass as Hank works a confession out of the offender with nothing more than a few words about prison and something Antonio doesn’t hear. There’s no violence, there’s no harassment and the criminal gives up the info right away. Antonio is a bit proud under all the anger he’s feeling towards Hank. Maybe a few months ago he would have told Hank that he did a good job, that he was proud. Maybe if they were still talking. Maybe if he wasn’t holding Antonio in contempt over some nameless incident. Instead, he walks out of the room before Hank can see that he was there and heads back to his desk.

 

He can feel Hank’s eyes on him while he’s texting Woods. He thought it was over; he gave them a statement, he did his civic duty but instead he’s being harassed for more details. He tries to answer them as best as he can without giving anything away and he’s typing out one last answer as he heads outside. Hank is there waiting for him and it scares the shit out of him. Antonio gives him a quick once over as he tries to catch his breath. Hank doesn’t look like he just put a bullet through a man’s head and threatened another one. He still looks angry, arms crossed against his chest and Antonio tries not to shake, stands his ground. He starts talking, trying to make things normal. It’s not normal and Hank just watches him as Antonio rambles about the missing kids until Hank finally speaks,

“It’s a good thing we found that auction in time.”

Antonio nods slightly and then, since he’s never been one to back down from a confrontation he asks, “Speaking of which, where did you get the money for the auction that fast?”

Wrong question apparently.

“Why are you so interested?” Hank straightens up and Antonio can tell he’s deflecting like he always does. “Hmm?”

Antonio shrugs but he knows where this is going. Hank knows something is up and Antonio is bracing himself for the blow he knows is coming.

“So you can tell Woods?” Hank finishes and this isn’t the blow Antonio is expecting.

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve been talking to him, haven’t you?” Hank asks again, but Antonio knows he’s toying with him, egging him on, challenging him to say no.

Antonio tries to wrap his head around it but everything is spinning again, like it did back at the meeting, he feels like he’s going to fall over.

“You’ve been spying on me?” Antonio tries to play it off as anger, not as hurt, not as guilt.

“Is that a yes?” Hank questions condescendingly, daring Antonio to lie to him again.

Antonio can’t lie to him again.

He explains everything, about how Potter was asking him about the Lopez murder and how Woods was there. He answers all of the questions Hank asks and he doesn’t dare look away or stop because this is the first time since that night that they’ve been alone together for more than a minute and even though Hank just admitted to spying on Antonio for the last two weeks, Antonio doesn’t want this to stop. He’s terrified of what they’ll end up going back to if this conversation ends.

“Did they ask if I was involved?”

“They did.” Antonio stares right at Hank as he says it, wants him to know how much it hurt when they asked him to give Hank over to them.

“What did you tell them?”

“Not a damn thing.” Antonio says resolutely and he sees something flicker in Hank’s eyes. “You and I might disagree on a few things,” _but I’m in love with you_ “but I don’t do business like that, never have.”

He pushes past Hank and gets into his car and if he catches a small smile on Hank’s face as he drives away… well then he’s probably just projecting.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?


End file.
